Seeing My Dark But Loving My Light.
There is that saying by Maria Robinson that says, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” This quotes holds true to many aspects in life, especially when it comes to love.
Falling in love is like a drug, a sense of euphoria that is deeply consuming. Learning about this person who you have passion for is intriguing and exciting. Nothing seems like it could burst your perfect bubble of love, until the past becomes your present. As we discussed earlier in Lessons Learned from a Broken Heart, it’s safe to say that each relationship is a learning experience in which you have to find the lesson in. Sometimes it’s not as clear as others, but it is there, be patient.
Now what do you do when you are dating someone new and they want to know why you react a certain way to what they might think is a trivial situation?
My dad gave me great advice the other day. He said, don’t try and change your partner into who you want them to be, but love them for who they are. People change every year, either you will have the steady foundation of which you built your relationship on; truth and honesty or the rocky foundation of hope and doubt.
“You can’t change your partner nor can you change their past.”
Especially when it comes to relationships, understanding is the key to success. Without understanding your partner, you’ll never build a lasting relationship.
Unfortunately, you’ll never understand your partner fully unless you understand his or her past, where he or she came from, and what made him or her the person he or she is today. Yes, you have to unzip that baggage and let some air in.
People are both complex and simple creatures. There’s a lot going on in there, but it’s all rational thought — even though it’s often based on fallacies and tangled in contradiction.
The issue is that most people don’t bother to really get to know the other person. Half the time we just don’t want to know because we dread hearing about past lovers and other sexual experiences. I mean — let’s be honest — it’s all just jealousy and insecurity.
We don’t want to know our partner’s past because it makes us feel uncomfortable, sad, jealous or mad. We don’t want to know because we allow our irrational emotions to get the best of us. We choose ignorance because then we can fill in the gaps ourselves — with roses, bunnies and rainbows.
It can be difficult keeping a balance of understanding and mystery within a romantic relationship — both being entirely necessary.
One thing that I’m still learning is that no matter how much you know people, no much how much you understand them, no matter how much you know about their pasts, you don’t know everything.
People will always find ways to surprise you. Over time, they change and learn to think and see the world a little differently. The future holds trillions of unpredictable instances that can possibly affect your relationship in trillions of different ways.
Life itself will influence you in ways you won’t be able to foresee. There is plenty of mystery to be had in life. Your relationship will never get boring if your mind stays fascinated. And that has just as much to do being with the right person as it does you choosing to remain fascinated.
There is one incredibly important benefit of knowing your partner’s past: being forced to decide whether or not you can continue to love the person he or she is.
You see, we don’t love a person for who that person is, but rather love him or her for who we understand him or her to be.
Most people’s understanding of the other is subpar at best. Maybe it’s just me, but if I’m going to decide to spend my life with someone, then I’d like to be sure I know that person fully.
By loving your partner, you are accepting him or her as part of yourself — don’t you want to know the person you are willfully becoming?
This isn’t to say we need to know all the details, but we should get the big picture. Keeping the information from your partner’s past will both introduce you to him or her — for the first time — and save you some emotional distress.
Most people’s pasts aren’t pretty. You’re not alone with that. So when you paint your picture, use a brush with thicker bristles.
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T: Moderndaygf
