When Loving Yourself Is Enough:Why I Don’t Want To Find My Forever, Today.

“She was in love, but not in love with someone or something, she was in love with her life. And for the first time, in a long time, everything was inspiring.” – R. M. Drake.

Being a lover of love, I have always been one to find myself in a relationship. I used to day dream about my wedding, every detail from the dress, the location, the father daughter dance, my bridesmaids whom seemed to switch out every couple years or so, the first dance, to the twinkling lights hanging from the trees and the list goes on. Did I mention the groom, o yea, him too!

I think there is something truly magical about finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, someone who makes life that much more fun. The man who will stand by you in the good times and the bad. The one in which you will share countless memories with. I just haven’t found him yet.

Having kissed many frogs (and a few toads) in my life, I realized I was searching high and low for my definition of happiness in all the wrong places or should I say person, that caused me to never really take the time to find & define myself.

Now single, I realized that I am at a pivotal point in my life.

It has taken a few broken hearts to get to here but every time I thought I would never find love again, I found something more. I found an inner strength I never knew I had. The strength to find myself and the realization that I can not rely on someone else to make me whole. I had to be a complete on my own. I have to create my own life before making a life with someone else.

Now is that time, I have no one relying on me but myself, I get to decide where I go from here. For me to realize this is a pretty huge step, I don’t know for you but like most women I know, I have the tendency to step fully inside the man’s world when I get into a relationship. I used to see nothing wrong with it, until I noticed I was attracting the wrong type of man in my journey of finding “true love.” I never knew how to be completely independent when it came to being in love. I know women who can, I’m just not one of them.

My mom always told me, “You have to find someone who compliments you but doesn’t complete you.” I didn’t fully understand what she meant at the time. Now I realize she meant plain and simple, you can’t make anyone happy unless you are happy with yourself and only YOU are responsible for that.

Independence is a tricky thing. Especially when it comes to relationships but finding who you are is something we all must do and when that day comes and I am staring in the eyes of my forever, I will be able to stand complete.

“Love is not the destination but the journey”